Dear Beatnik Betty Mo’,
I’ve got a shitty cold that plugs up my right nostril but not the left. Ironically, taking a decongestant makes things shittier by plugging both nostrils. Breathing through my mouth leaves me a drooling mess.
Any advice on how to shake this cold? Thanks.
Editor, The Silver Spring Penguin
I hope you are doing your best to keep that germ-infested cold to yourself and not passing it along to the hard-working writers over at the SS Penguin!
As you probably know, bacteria and viruses are everywhere, including doorknobs, countertops, and other frequently touched items such as your computer keyboard and mouse. Although we’re past preventive measures at this point, it couldn’t hurt to keep those places germ-free with a strong disinfectant wipe. Kill whatever germs may still be around to prevent your sickness from getting worse.
Also, you may be running up your hot water bill by doing this, but hanging out in your shower with the hot steam will start to loosen the congestion and give you a fighting chance for the relief you seek.
You’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you, but I have it on the best authority that these next steps will help your congestion:
First, grab some Alka-Seltzer Plus tablets, drop ’em in a glass of water, and chug. The taste is disgusting, but the medicine works and gets into your body fast.
Next, prepare for more discomfort by conducting an at-home nasal saline irrigation. The Neti Pot is a useful tool that will actively clean your nasal passages by thinning the mucus caught on the tiny nose hairs called cilia.
Although I purchased myself one of these nifty little pots last year, I never got the guts to use it on my own ol’ factory. Several friends have, though, and the reports of their experiences all sound pretty much the same: “It was disgusting, but it worked!”. So although I cannot give you detailed instructions based on personal use, I have located a video on YouTube that will instruct you on its methods.
Lather, rinse, repeat, until your nose is once again happy and you can breathe freely. By the time you’re ready to write your next review for the Silver Spring Penguin Local Licks installation, your head won’t feel so clogged that you can’t hear the ground-breaking (and possibly mucus-thinning) sounds blaring through the amplifiers.
Get well soon, and good luck figuring out proper use of the Neti Pot. I might just serve tea with it.
From a bacteria-free bubble,
Beatnik Betty Mo’
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