Dear Beatnik Betty,
I’m having trouble moving on from a relationship that ended over a year ago. There was a lot of pain on both sides and there’s no way we’re reconciling or even getting back on speaking terms. He doesn’t want to hear from me or know me, and I can’t work up the courage to face him anyway. Not trading apologies and forgiveness with him is this big, built-up thing now, it’s been keeping me up at night for months and months. How can I let the past rest when there’s no possibility of closure?
Stuck n’ Suffering
Dear Suffering One,
You poor thing, losing sleep over your ex-lover! Many of us poor souls experience this pain at some point in our romantic lives, but going through life in a half-asleep daze only seems to work for a short amount of time before the unrest begins to squirm and flail from within us. It is time to wake up from the dream, and move on with your life.
Right now, your mind is filled with skewed memories, unfulfilled wishes, and conflicts that were never resolved. Relationships that have a history of pain and disharmony are often due to unhealthy partner dynamics that were not recognized early enough to neutralize. There are sometimes lessons we are looking to learn when we enter these relationships, but we often fail to recognize those teachings when all is said and done, and end up repeating the same patterns over and over again, caught in a vicious unending cycle. How doomy and awful! You deserve to create something better for yourself.
If you truly want to move forward, then I suggest the following:
Write your apologies, forgiveness, raw emotions and things you always wanted to say on a few sheets of paper, in your own handwriting. Read over it, and then set fire to it. Ask the cosmos to relieve both you and he of the pain and suffering that either of you may have left. Ask that you no longer be held back by this karmic burden so that you can move forward in a healthier, happier light-filled world. At this point, you need to LET GO and let the Goddess/God handle the rest. Go to sleep that night with confidence in the approaching new day.
When you awake, get out of your house and pursue your hobbies, dreams, work, and talents, and call up your best friends and schedule a coffee date in the park. Be open to understanding lessons about what went wrong with past relationships, and how to prevent those things in the future. Let go of the past, though, because the future is all that matters.
Now I will reflect on the Tarot to answer your question, pulling one card for your past, and one for your future:
[The Past] Seven of Wands:
Here, I see a lot of petty power struggles, envy, and competitiveness. Followed by this is learning to stand up for your self. Perhaps, for some reason, you’ve held a belief that you are not as valuable or talented as others, and therefore prevented yourself from pursuing something great. This is a struggle that you can break free from now. You are leaving this behind in the past.
[The Future] Six of Swords:
I’m relieved to pull this card, because it means that you will indeed move away from stressful and turbulent energy and toward a more stable and peaceful state of mind. You will begin to focus and align your priorities, boundaries, and needs, and head directly toward achieving them. Once you do this, it will become easier. This process asks you to worry less about your heart, and more about your mind and the thoughts you create and nurture.
To conclude this brief attempt at helping to heal one more broken heart in the world, I feel it necessary to tell you that you, whoever you are, have so much to offer the world, and to yourself. Remember to have a loving relationship with YOURSELF, which includes comfort, care, honesty and even forgiveness.
May the Goddess heal and bless you,